Please understand that I am not a professional writer and, most opinions of my writing are, -" he's not even a good amateur," I am sure there are tons of mistakes below. Oh well, please bear with me!!
How St Louis Frenchie's Came to Be -
I believe my unrelenting focus on the future officially started on November 17th, 2006. I was at a local bar called the sports zone hanging out and watching fights with friends. We were there for UFC 65's main event between Matt Hughes and George St Pierre. The night didn't turn out like I had hoped it would. Before I knew it GSP's hand was being raised with the win. Matt Hughes was my favorite, so I was devastated that he lost this title defense. These emotions drove me to what they call a eureka moment, never had one before this and it changed my life forever. Without getting into specific details, this night started me down the road of creating an idea that evolved into a product that ended up becoming my first company. I don't want to sidetrack from the point of this story though, so I won't elaborate on the name of the company or what it does, but from this day forward something had been unleashed inside of me. I started feeling like I was more than just a regular human being that goes to his regular job and comes home. I started to feel a potential inside of me like a portal had opened, and I was offered a better, more interesting future if I so choose. (Potentiality)
Fast forward to 2020, the above company and the pursuit of the American dream started to take their toll. 14 years after that night in November, I noticed that I was suffering! The pursuit of building my company, and the constant striving for success had started to wear me down. I was working all the time, my normal day job was Seven AM to Three Thirty PM, and, on nights, and weekends I would work to build my business. I never suspected that my mental health would be directly tied to a business, but that's exactly what ended up happening, it became a direct correlation of how I was feeling. I wasn't able to separate and look at the whole creation or any milestones as a wins or success's. The individual wins quickly disappeared and left me in a sort of cocaine user's deficit like I was in a hole and waiting for the next hit. If the week was a low sales week, then I wasn't feeling good. If I had tons of sales that week, then I felt like a million bucks but that feeling was fleeting. People around me would try to help, they would say stuff like "control your thoughts, or enjoy the wins you have had" and all the other silly little cliches we have all heard, but man that's easier said than done!! I was determined to try anything to feel better. I quit the day job I was at for 13 years to try something else thinking that this was the answer. Nope, hated that next gig too, and I still felt ridiculously overwhelmed and unhappy with my life.
After leaving both "Jobs" I was nervous, desperate, and unsure how exactly I was going to pay my bills or worse, what the next steps of my life would entail. My business wasn't yet in a position to be able to pay me so that wasn't an option. The lost desperation I felt at that moment drove me to approach a previous contact with openness and vulnerability and that ultimately allowed me to procure an investment for my company. Looking back at the situation now, it couldn't have happened any more perfectly, I ended up finding an investor and securing the funding that would allow me to just work on growing the biz full-time, this was for sure going to help me feel better I thought. Nope, not for very long at least, maybe a short moment but then all it did was enhance the vulnerable feelings inside me. Now I was looking at that lump sum investment in the bank and worrying that it might not be enough or that it might not last. If the week was a Low sales week, I would ruminate on that, it would be the signpost that told me to not feel good. It was becoming very clear that my brain was hijacking itself and it was rarely an actual problem but perceived problems that my brain would churn up. My anxiety and depression were self-made, and it was all built on my worry about the future and the lack of what I perceived as a success. The green-eyed monster would pop out every time I saw someone that was balling out of control. I would get the "it's not fair" feelings and feel sorry for myself. Why wasn't I succeeding like they were? Sometimes the feelings would spiral out of control, and I would just ruminate, work myself up and go so far as feeling that suicide was the only way out. Permanently Leaving earth was the only option that could stop the shitty feelings, and fix my insecurities, in my head, it seemed like it would also relieve my loved ones of my always down and depressed attitude.
Changing my brain chemistry became an essential part of my days and usually would consist of having a drink or two when I got home to unwind and help me forget whatever bullshit I was dwelling on that day. It was my attempt to re-focus on something fun. Of course, alcohol is a depressant, and it didn't work for more than a moment, it just became a vicious cycle of medicating with the sauce. 2022 would end up being groundbreaking though for me in that I discovered a couple of things that would help with my mental illness. One day I was with a loved one that fired up some really good weed in front of me. For the first time in 13 years, I wasn't working for an employer that was looking to fire me if I smoked, so I tried it. Mother fucker it had been a long time and boy did it feel good. What I noticed was my intense focus on the worries of the day were gone. This was some crazy couch lock weed and man it did just that, locked me on the couch and made me in the moment, like it or not. It took my control away and this time I was OK with that. My brain wasn't clouded by the viewing Lense of worry that I had become so accustomed to. I wasn't completely fixed but it was a good start - now,the Puppy part!! In May of 2022, I sporadically decided that I wanted a French bulldog and put down a deposit with a breeder I had found. So, in June I drove to West Plains Missouri to pick up my new French bulldog baby. I had always thought that French bulldogs were so cute and for some reason, I felt super compelled to get one. I did not realize it prior, but man did I bring home my mental health CURE! I get the whole "support doggie" thing now. This puppy melted my heart and allowed me to just be in that moment, man! My new little girl loved me so much and my responsibility for her felt freeing. I never thought that I could wake up and not be focused on myself and all the worries - the Pot smokin and puppy strokin flipped a switch inside me and now I now feel amazing. I am not going back to that bad place I used to frequent. My answer is #potandpuppies, #potsmokinpuppystrokin Jeremiah R Stlouisfrenchies.com
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